"Goody !"
a film or series treatment by Glenn Hopkins



There’s an old lady of 80 (Margaret) who leans on a man in his fifties (Carl). She walks with some difficulty, has a missing front tooth and hair impossible to make look good. In these first moments she bugs out her eyes and smiles sarcastically. Her screechy voice and missing front tooth make her seem very like a classic witch. They drive up to a California bungalow. Inside the car:

MARGARET/PEG
Oh no! Not this place again! Get me out of here!

CARL
Mom, this is my house.

PEG
It is not!

CARL
It’s my house. Your house every weekend. You’ve been
coming here every weekend since September...October, November,
December, January...This makes five months. I wish you wouldn’t
do this. And your room...

Standing in front of the house.

PEG
I’m not going in there. Get me out of here.

CARL
I gave up my office so you could have a room.

PEG
(SARCASM...FROM HERE ON INDICATED BY
QUOTATION MARKS OR ITALICS)
“Oh yes. You’re Mr. Perfect aren’t you ?
Always so nice.” ...I just wish you’d get on with it!

CARL
Get on with what? You’re retired.
There’s nothing you have to do.

PEG
Right. “I’m retired. I’m retired. There’s nothing I
can do except sit and watch you do whatever you want...”

CARL
And could you please not put-down
our house and your room ?

PEG
That cold, damp hole! I’m not going
in. This is not your house!

CARL
Mom, you wanna see my
license with the address on it?

PEG
“No, I just wanna sit in the swing in the hot
sun and watch you carry the dirt and just
do whatever you want to do! Whatever you say.

Then you can leave me alone in
that cold room...not another soul around...”

CARL
I was right in our room asleep.
It was the middle of the night...

PEG
...Walking all around an empty, dark house;
not another soul around. Get me outa here.

CARL
We just got back. We wouldn’t have to leave
during Dina’s piano lessons if you could refrain
from imitating the students’ playing...(COPYING
THE WITCH VOICE AND WITH HER SARCASM HE
INDICATES THE FIRST BARS OF BEETHOVEN’S
“FUR ELISE”) Let’s go in. Dina’s made lunch.

PEG
“Oh,goody !”

Going inside.

CARL
(CAN’T HELP LAUGHING OUT-OUTLOUD) Sorry.
When you’re sarcastic it’s so funny sometimes..
.But please don’t get started getting mad ‘cause you
get trapped in your temper and you can’t get out of it.

PEG
She hates me.

CARL
She doesn’t hate you, but if you make fun of her
students’ playing with that sing-song witch’s
voice of yours it’ll be you that goes, not her.

PEG
(COMPLETELY REPENTANT AND IN A SOFT AND
EMBARRASSED TONE) I know. I’m terrible.
I’m sorry. (STARTS TO CRY WITH REMORSE.)

CARL
Me too. (HE GENUINELY HUGS AND KISSES HER....
AT WHICH POINT CARL’S MUCH-YOUNGER ASIAN
WIFE POPS IN.) Look. Busted again.

DINA
Hi, Lala...

PEG
Hello Dina. So nice to see you.

DINA
Are you okay?

PEG
Sure. Carl’s taking good care of me.
Thanks for loaning me your husband every weekend.

DINA
Right. Carl, I need to talk to
you a minute in the bedroom.

CARL
Sure. ‘Scuse us, Mom. (THEY GO ASIDE..)

DINA
Carl, I’m not trying to be mean, but I went through
this with my own grandmother and I see you with
her...She’s always touching you, calling you. Now
I’m thinking this is you in twenty years and
I won’t be able to do it...

CARL
Sorry hon. Did you see? We
both took off our shoes at the door.

DINA
I don’t care. It was bad enough when it was just you
peeing on the toilet seat, and waking me up in the night,
and having your junk all around house all the time...

CARL
I know it’s not hospital-clean like a Korean house
but we get a lot of compliments on our house...

DINA
Yes. People over. You always want
people over. And now your mother...

I think I want out. I’ve been looking at apartments that
Choice and I could move into. I have to stay
positive to sell real estate...but I get home to this...

PEG
(SOMEWHAT WHINY, RIGHT OUTSIDE ‘THEIR DOOR’ ) ....Carl...

DINA
See? It’s endless. I say let me talk to you
alone and she follows us here to our room.

CARL
(SHOUTS THROUGH “THE DOOR” THAT SEPARATES
THE OCTOGENARIAN FROM THE COUPLE TAKING
A BREAK FROM HERE “IN THEIR ROOM.” )
Just have a seat at the dining room table, Boolie. I’ll be right out.

PEG
I think I have to go to the
potty. Will you help me?

CARL
Go ahead. You know where it is.

PEG
I’m not sure. Can you help me?

CARL
(ANGRY CONFRONTATION)
So go ahead and poop in the diaper!! That’s what it’s for. .
DINA
You notice? All conversation about pee and poop
and going potty. When is Craig gonna find a place for her?

CARL
See? It could be worse. We could have Monday
through Friday like he does instead of just the weekend...

PEG
Carl...

CARL
( THROUGH ‘THE DOOR’) You ready for lunch, Mom?

DINA
All she does is eat.

CARL
She never smoked so she has all her taste buds.
It’s the only pleasure she has... (SHOUTS)
Sit down at the table and start your lunch, Ma.

DINA
My parents warned me not to marry such
older guy. I should’ve listened...

CARL
Don’t move out, okay?

DINA
You wanna go see the place.
It’s thirteen hundred.

CARL
No...And could you ask our daughter to sparkle
a little for Lala? She doesn’t even say hello...

DINA
You’re really patient with her. Really.
But Choice and I can’t put up with it!

CARL
Strangers at the churches know how to smile
and sparkle a little for her. Why can’t her own
Granddaughter, you know, just speak loud
enough for her to hear and say something nice ?

DINA
You know your Mom from before.
All Choice has is this now
. .
CARL
(WALKING AWAY FROM DINA. THROUGH
THE ‘CLOSED DOOR:’) I’m Carl, Mom.
That’s what you get for naming us
Carl, Cary, Craig, Clark and Crandall.
He “opens the door to her”

PEG
Gosh. There you are. I couldn’t find you.
She falls into his arms like a long-lost
casualty of war. CARL Kisses and
hugs her gently and LEADs HER
TO THE TABLE)

CARL
Dina and I were talking. You have to give us some
space...some time to be together on the weekends...

PEG
I know.

DINA
(GATHERING THINGS) I need to
have all positive energy around me.

CARL
Right. I’ll have a nice
dinner ready, okay?

DINA
No thanks. Choice and I are going
to my Mom’s for Korean food.
Tonight I want to show you the place.

CARL
$1300 a month? How can we do that?

DINA
We’ll talk later. Bye. Bye, LaLa. Be good.

CARL
I love you.

DINA
Right.

(EXIT DINA)

CARL JOINS HIS MOTHER AT THE TABLE
WHERE SHE IS EATING WITH GUSTO.

CARL
Soo. Soup and sandwich. Good. Isn’t that nice of
Dina to make us lunch on her busiest day of the week?

PEG
“ Oh, Goody. “

CARL
Mom, give us some space, okay? Help me keep her.
Can you think about that? Seriously, can you just
try not to lose it in front of Dina and Choice, please?
Will you help me keep her? Please?
I love them. Help me keep them, okay?

PEG
Sure, honey. I’m sorry. (eats)

(Pause.) I’m sorry. I think I have to go to the potty.

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